Beretta M9A3 Released, Whiny Liberals Shove Heads Further Up Own Asses

A notification pops up in my email and I tap the icon.

“Now trending on Facebook!” it reads. “Beretta M9A3” I tap this as well.

As soon as the headline popped up on my screen, I knew that the shit was going to hit the fan.

Handgun designed for the military is released to the public, it says.

This headline is, of course, a bit of neo-journalistic bullshit designed to get people upset. It’s “cleverly,” and very intentionally, worded to make people believe that something extremely deadly has been unleashed on the average consumer. And of course, the average person reading the headline believes that’s the case, many of them responding with outlandish Facebook posts that prove they didn’t even read the rest of the article.

Pretty mundane, really.

First off, let me point out that hundreds of firearms that were designed for military use are available to the public. This is nothing new. The Colt 1911 — in its many, many iterations — has been around since before WWII, where it saw its most well-known tour of duty. It’s a 100-year-old handgun that’s far more lethal than the Beretta M9. In fact, the Marine Corps abandoned the POS Beretta in favor of returning to the 1911 a few years ago.

So the idea of a weapon “designed for military use” being sold to civilians is not new. Not even remotely close. Yet here are some of the Facebook posts I saw right away:

“Great…one more way for us to kill each other!” 

There are plenty of ways for us to kill each other, and this one isn’t even new. For the most part, it’s a Beretta M9 — which I will opine to say, sucks royally — with a body kit and desert-friendly paint. If the damn thing fired nuclear warheads or sprayed bullets in an indiscriminate 360-degree circle, that would be new. This is just another handgun.

“I’m shocked to see this being announced so close to the tragedy in Paris.”

Why? Terrorists don’t buy their weapons based on Facebook posts. They buy them from arms dealers who most likely got them from some botched CIA arms deal in support of toppling a regime. Since the US Army turned down this weapon, it’s actually very unlikely that a foreign terrorist will ever get their hands on one.

Who will get their hands on one? People who aren’t terrorists or criminals. People who buy overpriced, stylized handguns from Italy because they’re firearms enthusiasts. And guess what? If there had been a few dozen armed firearms enthusiasts nearby when those terrorists opened fire, they probably would have had much shorter life spans.

“Great. A semi-automatic 9mm with 17 round clip +1 in the barrel. A better way to blah, blah, blah, I’m ignorant.”

“Semi-automatic” is a term that anti-gun liberals love to throw around because it sounds scary to ignorant people. One pull of the trigger, one round is fired. That’s semi-automatic. It’s been around for 100 years. Stop acting like it means “machine gun,” because some people are dumb enough to believe you.

A 17-round capacity is not that out of this world. It’s actually fairly common in small caliber, full-frame handguns. And that one extra round doesn’t go in the barrel; it goes in the chamber.


Gun rights can be argued all day long with no one changing their minds. It’s fairly pointless to even discuss it, really. But the thing that really bothers me about this story is that damned headline, so deliberately crafted and misleading in hopes that people would get all fired up.

Way to go, media. Another win.


All opinions are that of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Deck Ape...or anyone else. Arrr!

J. Paul

I'm a professional writer and amateur filmmaker from Miami, Florida. Huge fan of the Dark Tower Cycle, strategy games, photography, and food trucks.

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