We Pick the Top 10 Geek Movies of 2016

Deadpool-fireside

Ahoy!

I speak for the rest of the crew of the S.S. Chet Deadman when I say I hope your holidays were great. But now with the tree either put away or burned, depending on your own level of masochism, we look ahead to the best things in the coming year that should make for a lot of fun…

MORE MOVIES!

The wait won’t be long, either. Fox offers up Deadpool Valentine’s Day weekend, and the hits will just keep coming. Here are a few predictions. Take into account that my skills of clairvoyance are more than just a little rusty.

Deadpool

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Fox is pouring a lot of money into the ad campaign for the Merc with a Mouth, and for good reason: he’s one of the most recognizable faces in the comic book industry. Considering how they shat all over the character in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, it will be interesting to see how this assumed retcon will go…after all, the X-Men Movie Universe hasn’t ignored the shitty entries in the library – we’re all staring at you, Brett Ratner – but do they really want to give credence to the abortion that sewed Deadpool’s mouth shut and gave him impossible arm swords?  That said, this should be as much comedy as it is action, so it’s entirely possible that they roll with it. I think it will be a modest hit, but only for those that can handle the sophomoric humor that has made Deadpool popular in comic circles.

Prediction: Three Borts out of five. (Average or so.)

Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice

Batman-v-Superman

Even after the humdrum Man of Steel, DC and Warner Brothers have doubled down on trying to build a cinematic universe that can rival what Disney has done with Marvel. They made a couple of ballsy casting picks, taking Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne/Batman and Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor. They’ve also decided to cram as many members of the DC Comics Pantheon into the mix, fitting in Wonder Woman and Aquaman.

That said, this movie feels like a desperate rush. DC has clearly felt the burn at the box office that Marvel has put on them, and they’re scrambling to catch up. Trailers have made Lex Luthor come across as a cackling madman, and they’ve managed to cram Doomsday in there too…which would have been better served as a surprise for audiences. I expect this to be a disappointment…and I desperately hope that I am wrong.

Prediction: One Bort out of five! (Not very good.)

Captain America: Civil War

Captain-America-Civil-War-Iron-Man-vs-Steve-Rogers

The best movie series in the MCU isn’t the Avengers films…it’s been the ones that center around Cap. Both previous installments in the series stand out as fantastic fare, and this looks to continue that trend. We’ve already seen a bit of tension between Captain America and Iron Man, so to see it come to a head on the big screen is something many fans can’t wait to see. It’s an interesting ad campaign also…who do you side with?  Robert Downey Jr’s Iron Man is undeniably one of the coolest characters on film, but this is a Captain America movie…so how can’t you side with Steve Rogers?

In the midst of all of that talk, one has to assume there are a ton of surprises tucked in this flick, since so much of the trailer space seems focused on Cap having to come to terms with being on opposing sides with some of the other Avengers. I fully expect this film to knock it out of the park, just like the other Captain America films, and I wonder if all of the Avengers we have come to love will survive this internal battle.

Prediction: Five Borts from five! (Awesome!!!)

X-Men: Apocalypse

X-Men-Apocalypse

It’s taken nearly 20 years, but we are finally going to see another megalomaniacal evil mutant on the big screen that isn’t Magneto!  It’s about goddamn time, Fox!  Having Apocalypse finally reach the silver screen is a good move for Fox, introducing casual fans to an iconic X-Men villain that is actually a lot more powerful than Magneto. That said, there’s a lot of other mutants on display here, which is a good thing…so long as they’re not just cameos.

The buzz leading up to this flick has been lukewarm – with most fans lamenting that the world’s first mutant looks a bit like a Power Rangers villain – and the trailers didn’t help matters. For starters, at what point is Mystique going to stop being the (pun unintended) x-factor in these flicks?  I get that Jennifer Lawrence is the only A-lister on the cast, but having her show up as the antihero in the past two flicks is getting a little stale. Are the rest of the X-Men so incompetent that they can’t do anything without her help?  I’m guessing they’ll have some sort of way of explaining their way around this potential problem – Bryan Singer has yet to fail X-Men fans – but it still leads to some trepidation going into this installment.

Prediction: Three Borts out of five. (Average or so.)

Warcraft

Warcraft-Movie-1

If you liked PC games in the late 90s, you probably played some of Blizzard’s Warcraft series. It was a great RTS series, and it spawned the monolithic World of Warcraft MMORPG that killed a lot of people’s time. That said, the story itself was standard high fantasy fare, borrowing heavily from Tolkien-isms like bad orcs and trolls, good human/elf/dwarf allegiances. The film seems to be diverting from that, showing more ambiguity in the roles of the races, which could provide a breath of fresh air in the genre. I’m personally not a huge fan of high fantasy, but I have a feeling this could be a sleeper hit.

Prediction: Four Borts from five. (Pretty good!)

Ghostbusters

Ghostbusters-2016-Girls

If ever there has been a reboot film that has spawned as much bitterness as this one, I don’t remember it. The original film was a classic and still delivers to this day. Many of us burned up a VCR replaying this movie again and again, and while we hoped for a potential 3rd installment in the series, the powers-that-be decided a reboot was in order.  With an all-female cast.

I’m not going to go all nerdrage on this decision, nor am I going to make a SJW attempt to defend it. I will say that I am pretty apathetic about this film overall. There’s an outside chance that this ends up being a good movie…but the likelihood of this being able to capture even a fraction of the magic of the original movie seems incredibly unlikely. The bad fan buzz leading into this will probably hurt it at the box office.

Prediction: Two Borts out of five. (Could be worse.)

Independence Day: Resurgence

Independence-Day-Resurgence

In an election year, we get the candidate we can all agree on: President Bill Pullman. The greatest Commander-in-Chief in movie history is back along with Jeff Goldblum’s alien software hacker guy. Apparently all of that shit that went down so long ago was just the first wave, and the aliens are back to receive their own welcome to EARF.  I’m personally hoping these aliens are a bunch of shape shifters that decide to mimic the most violent human in their records:  Randy Fuckin’ Quaid.

In all honesty, expect a lot of loud, dumb fun, the sort of nonsense that led to so many goddamn Transformers sequels. This will be the epitome of a popcorn movie. I’m just hoping Pullman announces his intention to run for office in the post credits scene. He would have my vote.

Prediction: Three Borts out of five. (Average or so.)

Suicide Squad

Suicide-Squad

We’ve already seen the trailers a bazillion times, and the newest Joker has spawned mixed adoration and hatred all over the Internet. That said, how much of a role will the Clown Prince of Crime truly play in this film?  As far as we can tell, he’s just a means of a flashback for Harley Quinn…and if that’s the case, it could lead to all manner of problems for what could be a truly fun flick. This movie is canon for the fledgling DC Cinematic Universe, and if BvS flops as we predict it will, a second stale offering could put a huge kink in their goals right off the bat. I personally expect this to be a better story, able to capitalize off of the dark nature that these DC movies seem to desire to be, but I still think it won’t be anything Earth-shattering…all the more reason why using more of a headliner like the Joker could pay huge dividends for keeping this franchise alive.

Prediction: Three Borts out of five. (Average or so.)

Doctor Strange

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The MCU looks to blast it’s way into the next phase, and the first entry involving the Sorcerer Supreme isn’t a bad way to get started. There’s an impressive cast involved – Benedict Cumberbatch, Rachel McAdams, Chiwetel  Ejiofor, Tilda Swinton, and Mads Mikkelson are nothing to sniff at.  On top of that, the last time the MCU jumped into the way-out-there for a flick, they had a surprise hit in Thor.  The introduction of magic in the MCU should lead to a bevy of new avenues in the franchise.  Disney has done a great job with their Marvel movies, and with this cast and a brand new sort of idea, expect no different here.

Prediction: Four Borts from five. (Pretty good!)

Rogue One

Star Wars Rogue One Cast

Disney has tasted the success of a Star Wars movie, and there’s no way they’re ever looking back. It’s going to be a while before we ever see what’s going on with Rey, Finn, and BB-8, but that doesn’t mean the Mouse is ignoring other ways to play dodgeball with our wallets. Rogue One is the first of the Star Wars anthology movies, this one centered around the way that the Rebels get the plans to the first Death Star. Will we finally see some Bothans?  How many of them will die?  Like at least twenty or thirty, right?  This is the biggest spinoff Star Wars movie since An Ewok Adventure, so hopes are high!

Prediction: Four Borts from five. (Pretty good!)

Happy 2016 errbody!

Vaya con Dios!


All opinions are that of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Deck Ape...or anyone else. Arrr!

Jonathan Praise

Jonathan Praise is a writer, in the sense that he occasionally sits down in front of a keyboard and punches buttons, turning the blank page into a collection of letters and words. He rarely finishes anything, so the reader should feel somewhat special for actually witnessing the completion of this article. He is currently working on CLEAVE and THE ADVENTURES OF SKULLBOY when he isn't being a husband and father of dubious quality.

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